To work or not to work?

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I wish I was a 40’s housewife so that staying at home was just the done thing and I didn’t have to make this decision.

It’s always been my dream to stay at home and look after my babies. Friends went to university and had careers but I just wanted to start a family. Caring for my children was the only job I wanted.
Until today, my dreams were going to come to fruition. I’m being a tad dramatic, they still could! It’s just an email from my boss has stirred things up abit. It’s shaken the resolve I thought I held so strongly.
I HAD told work I was only going to come back for 3 months and then I would like to end my employment. It was all planned. I’d go back to my existing 4day a week job role but take 2days a week as annual leave to start to use up the annual leave I had accrued over my maternity. It was all totted up and calculated and it meant that I’d be working from 27th July until 16th of October. I didn’t want to go back to work but this seemed manageable. I had an end goal, a target date.
As my start date looms, my boss contacted me to confirm our arrangements. She asked if I was sure about not returning to work as they would need to think about recruiting for my position. Am I sure?! I just don’t know.
I don’t have a career, I don’t love my job. I worked so I could get a mortgage and buy a house. However, the company I work for is great, my colleagues are lovely. They have been and would be so slexible. I’m pretty sure they allow me to go down to two days a week, and as long as I did my hours, I could pick and choose what they would be.
I’m in a very fortunate position where ย I don’t need to work for financial reasons. We could live off Nick’s sole income. We would have to tighten our belts and go without things but it is definitely doable.
I have talked to Nick and he thinks I should go back. Here is a spender. He likes nice things and he knows without the extra income we won’t have them.
I could go back to work two days a week. I am lucky in that Rosalie is going to be looked after by her Nanny and Grandma whilst I go back work, indefinitely or not. They’ll both get a day with their granddaughter and I know they’ll spoil her rotten. We will have no child care costs and Rosalie will be spending quality time with her grandparents. She’ll love it!
Then there’s me. I’ll hate every minute I’m away from her. I’ve always believed that no amount of money could ever make up for the moments you’ll miss with your babies, the firsts! They are little for such a short time. I want to soak up every second.
Both Nick and I were looked after by our parents when we were little. I want that for Rosalie. My mum has always said that the time with her babies was the happiest of her life. I want that. This is IT!
Part of me feels guilty about that. I’m annoyed that I feel like this. I’m annoyed that the world has made me feel like I’m being lazy for wanting to not work and to spend this time with my babies while they are young. When did this happen?!
I could go back to work 2days a week but I also blog, vlog and do the odd beauty client. If I’m working and doing all this other stuff I’m already committed to, when will I spend quality time with my baby? That’s without including the housework. I think it’s too much and I think I’ll get stressed. I will do it in the short term but indefinitely? I worry that in the little time I would have with Rosalie, Iย won’t be enjoying her, I’ll be doing all the other chores.
If I don’t go back to work there are things Rosalie would go without. She won’t have that slide for the garden or the nice pretty dress. I won’t get the new lamp for the living room and if the car breaks down we are screwed.
So here I am at 23.36pm typing into my phone when I really should be sleeping, trying to make sense of it all. Trying to work out what is the best thing to do for this family of mine. What would you do?
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7 Comments

  • Reply
    Seashell86
    22nd July 2015 at 7:32 AM

    What a dilemma! It's completely different for me, due back to work mid September (full time!!! Bad mummy!!) but this was always out plan, and much as I would love to stay at home with little one it was never an option for us, financially and career wise (I love my job, clearly I love my daughter more but we need my income to accomplish our goals which are all centered around her). So I think this is tough for you because you were geared up for one thing and now it's all up in the air so to speak! Is there a compromise here maybe? For example could you go back 1 day a week, it's still a little bit of income, keeps your foot in the door for when Rosalie goes to school (scary thought!!) and gives you that extra day. It's a tough one but you will make the best decision for you and your family.

  • Reply
    Seashell86
    22nd July 2015 at 7:36 AM

    Cont… Wishing you well in your decision and whatever you choose it will be the right choice for you and your family at the time so don't feel guilty which ever way and nothing is ever for ever and ever so if one thing doesn't work worst case scenario, you can always do something differently . Good luck! Xxx

    • Reply
      Sarah Cantwell
      22nd July 2015 at 1:46 PM

      I would love to only work 1 day a week! Well… Love is a little strong, I mean it would be good to only work 1 day. My job role was 4 days a week. I'm not sure they'd allow be to drop to only 1 day, I haven't asked them though and it's an option I hadn't even considered. 1 day would definitely be a lot more manageable. Thank you, I think this is what I needed to hear that if I do go back to work it is ok and I'm not a bad mummy! xx

  • Reply
    Hayley Greer
    22nd July 2015 at 9:01 AM

    I hear you xx This is not an easy decision for any mumma to make. Reading your words it sounds as though you are logically weighing all the pros and cons – of which there are many – but it also seems as though your heart has only one answer. Stay with Rosalie. Whatever you do decide – you will still enjoy every minute with her, and you will continue to be a wonderful mum to her. She is a lucky little girl xx

    • Reply
      Sarah Cantwell
      22nd July 2015 at 1:49 PM

      Thank you so much Hayley. That is lovely of you to say. Your right in that if I followed my heart I would stay with Rosalie. xxx

  • Reply
    Wellingtontales
    22nd July 2015 at 11:59 AM

    I would love to be able to stay a home but alas, I have to go back. I am due back mid September and originally I had planned to do 3 days which I thought was a happy middle ground. Still time to see my baby grow and develop but also give me some grown up time. It now turns out I more than likely have to go back to 4 days as financially I need to.We are also in the process of setting up our own business so that is going to take away precious time, i keep wondering if we're going to manage!
    I hope you make the right decision, good luck xx

    • Reply
      Sarah Cantwell
      22nd July 2015 at 1:58 PM

      It comes around so quickly doesn't it? I am hoping I can go back 2 days a week more permanently but I haven't actually asked them so may not be an option. It's so hard trying to set up your own business. My original plan was to expand my beauty business and work from home. It would be better in the future, offering more flexibility but I would have to but in a lot of time and money at the start without getting much back. I do wonder how I am going to fit it all in as with beauty and blogging I sometimes struggle now! xx

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