Miscarriage No.2 – Confirmed

Roseyhome-Miscarriage281of129

So it’s confirmed, after a week of bleeding, I have miscarried again. The doctor has just phoned to advise me of my blood test results. My HCG levels were so low it wouldn’t even register as a pregnancy. The baby has left the womb.

How do I feel about it? I am not as upset as last time. I don’t know if that is because I wasn’t as far gone so I hadn’t known I was pregnant for as long or because I didn’t quite let myself believe that this pregnancy would be successful after the last miscarriage.
I was pissed off at first. Angry that this happened to me again.However, there is absolutely nothing I can do about it so why waste the energy making myself upset about it. I did all I could. I ate well, I took my vitamins, I maybe could have had cooler baths but that is really the only thing I could have done differently.

I do feel like a failure. I thought I was good at this mothering thing. I had such an easy pregnancy with Rosalie, my birth was awesome (You can read about my delivery story here) I breast fed my baby for over a year. I thought I was super mum, that I had this baby making thing down. Now I just feel like my body is failing me. We keep getting pregnant fairly quickly so it is me that can’t keep these babies alive.
What am I going to do now? Take a break. After my first miscarriage the doctor told me that I could start trying again straight away, which we did. Clearly that did not work out very well for us and here we are after a second miscarriage. I am going to wait a few months, have a couple of periods. Then wait a few more months because if we start to try to conceive in April, I could potentially have a Christmas baby.After two consecutive pregnancy’s and miscarriages I feel like I have been pregnant forever and my skin? dear god, it has never looked worse, my face is just a big oil slick. Hopefully with time, this will return to some kind of normality I can’t even remember what that is like.

I am going to plan some nice things that I won’t be able to do when pregnant. I am going to go out and get drunk with my friends, Nick and I are going to have a spa day. I want to look at planning a holiday for just the three of us so we can spend some quality time together and dote on Rosalie like she deserves. We can make some wonderful family memories on hopefully our last holiday as a family of three.
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16 Comments

  • Reply
    Alice & Amelia New Young Mum
    30th January 2016 at 10:38 PM

    So sorry to read this!!! Thinking of you. Enjoy what you have and remember how blessed you are. I'm sure you will be welcoming another little one soon xxx

    • Reply
      Sarah Cantwell
      30th January 2016 at 10:52 PM

      Thank you Alice. I'm so thankful for Rosalie going to make sure I thoroughly enjoy her for the next few months xx

  • Reply
    Emily Peacock
    30th January 2016 at 10:46 PM

    I'm so so sorry, I wish I had more word to say but I don't want to say the wrong thing :(.

    • Reply
      Sarah Cantwell
      30th January 2016 at 10:53 PM

      Thank you Emily, you are very lovely! xxxxxxxxxxxxx

  • Reply
    Hannahcroft1984
    31st January 2016 at 7:17 AM

    I'm so sad to read this. I had 2 consecutive mc too, it was such a bleak, desolate time. But i did some research and decided to keep going, and the next month we conceived our beautiful healthy happy rainbow baby boy who is now 9 months. I just wanted to let you know that statistics are still on your side for a healthy pregnancy next time so don't give up. (I took Vit b after the 2nd mc up to 3rd trimester so might be worth researching?) The loss and sadness will stay with me forever, but I like to think Alfred was waiting in the wings for the right time. Hope your rainbow baby is too X

    • Reply
      Sarah Cantwell
      31st January 2016 at 7:47 AM

      Thank you Hannah. It is always good to hear stories of successful pregnancy after miscarriage. It gives me hope! I will definitely look into taking vitamin b and hopefully that will help. So pleased to hear you got your rainbow baby. I hope we will too 🙂 xxxxx

  • Reply
    Hayley Greer
    31st January 2016 at 11:09 PM

    Oh Roseyhome, sorry to read this on your blog. I admire your strength and appreciate your openness. Sending all the best to you – an incredible mother, in every way. X

    • Reply
      Sarah Cantwell
      1st February 2016 at 8:09 AM

      Thank you Hayley, that is so lovely of you to say. I really appreciate you saying that as I feel I need some reassurance at the moment! Thank you xxxx

  • Reply
    Oh so amelia
    2nd February 2016 at 9:41 PM

    Oh, I'm so so sorry Sarah 🙁 I've had two miscarriages one before Harry and one afterwards which I've not spoken about but I just want you to know your time will come. A break is good. I decided to take a break after I miscarried the first time and like they say it just happened. I hope you're looking after yourself and getting plenty of rest xx

    • Reply
      Sarah Cantwell
      2nd February 2016 at 10:32 PM

      Trying to! And trying to plan some nice things to look forward to in the next few months. Thank you for sharing your story Kerry. I really appreciate it. It gives me hope that we will have another one when the time is right xxxxxx

  • Reply
    Makeupone
    3rd February 2016 at 9:15 AM

    I'm so sorry to hear / read this again Sarah. I had to double check the dates to see I wasn't reading the story about the first one. Such a shame. All the luck in the world that you concieve in April and be a family of four for Christmas x x

    • Reply
      Sarah Cantwell
      3rd February 2016 at 10:18 AM

      It sucks. Thank you lovely for your kind words. Fingers crossed xxxx

  • Reply
    The Warnock Years
    3rd February 2016 at 7:50 PM

    I am sorry to hear about what you have gone through. I too went through two consecutive pregnancies and miscarriages before I got pregnant for the third time in the same year and it stuck. Noone seems to be able to say the right thing unless they have exprienced it too. Making some exciting plans so you have something to look forward to is totally the best thing and exactly what we did! I hope you have some happy news soon. x

    • Reply
      Sarah Cantwell
      3rd February 2016 at 9:14 PM

      Thank you lovely. I take so much comfort in hearing the stories of others that have experience it too. You give me hope that we will have another baby xxx

  • Reply
    Sarah Rooftops
    26th February 2016 at 10:57 AM

    Oh, I'm so sorry. I had one miscarriage before having Matilda and it was devastating; it wasn't until well after the 20 week scan that I let myself believe my second pregnancy might actually work out.

    Wishing you all the best for the rest of the year. x

    • Reply
      Sarah Cantwell
      26th February 2016 at 5:01 PM

      I am sorry to hear that you have also been through this. It is horrible. I am pleased to hear that you went on to have a successful pregnancy. Stories like yours give me hope that one day, when the time is right we will have another little baby xx

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